Woo Hoo!

Hey, did you happen to hear?

Michael Jackson died.

As to be expected, it has been in every headline of every newspaper, in every magazine, and on every news station all over the world.

And the story of his death and his money and his kids and his family is nowhere near close to going away any time soon.

It will be dragged on for months to come.

You may ask why I care?

Well, here’s why…

I didn’t know Sarah Palin resigned.

And what the heck is going on with North Korea and their plans to blow up the world?

How does the “Zero Day” virus affect my computer and how do I avoid it?

And are we any closer to a nationwide healthcare system?

I feel that in order to find out any other news right now, I have to bypass a dozen stories about Michael Jackson.

Where is he going to be buried?

What were his last moments like?

What did he have for lunch before he died?

Where is his casket right now?

I believe if we put this much effort into finding Osama Bin Laden, curing cancer, or repairing our nation’s infrastructure, the world may be a better place for it.

Instead, I am being inundated with news that Hong Kong singer William Chan and Taiwanese pop star Judy Chou led an audience in observing a 30-second silence in honor of Jackson. And many of the fans that attended the observance clutched red roses and wore black; some donned Jackson's trademark fedora hats.

Don’t care.

At all.

Not in the least.

But hey, since this seems to be all the media cares about right now, then in honor of all that is Michael Jackson, I want to take the opportunity to share with you some of the latest happenings in our little town…

Did you know that the real reason Andy Ruggeri parted ways with the Clarke Hotel was…Michael Jackson!

And the crack house on Maple Avenue is finally…Michael Jackson.

There is a new business opening on the world famous Five Point Intersection downtown. I’ve been told it’s…Michael Jackson!

There’s controversy brewing in the 400 block of West Main over landscaping design. It seems that downtown resident, Michael Jackson is having issues with a design submitted by…Michael Jackson.

Pro Health Care is laying off Michael Jackson, Waukesha water issues will be handled by Michael Jackson, and there is rumor that after only a year, a certain downtown business will be…Michael Jackson.

Oh, and one more thing…Michael Jackson!

Woo Hoo!

Alright, I think it’s finally out of my system.

Before I end this I want to be sure to mention that you should tune in to this week’s Plan Commission meeting. Members of the Commission will be wearing white, glittery gloves in remembrance of none other than…

Woo hoo!

Yes, I am seeking professional help…

…from Michael Jackson.