How to prevent another Oscar flub? We have ideas
The great Oscar fail of 2017 is three days past, the mortification and mocking are receding (somewhat), and the grownups in charge of the Academy Awards are promising to prevent such a catastrophic error from ever recurring. How? We have some ideas.
Not to be buttinskies, but think of it as a public service. After all, it's not like the Academy or its accountants at PricewaterhouseCoopers have done such a bang-up job given the debacle at Sunday's Oscar ceremony, when the wrong best picture winner was announced and it took a long two-plus minutes before it was corrected in a shambolic scene of on-stage confusion witnessed live by millions.
PwC's on-scene representative, Brian Cullinan, has taken the blame: He gave presenters Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway the wrong envelope — it was the back-up envelope for best actress instead of the best picture envelope — and neither Cullinan nor Beatty noticed the blood-red envelope said BEST ACTRESS instead of BEST PICTURE until Beatty opened it and appeared flummoxed by the contents. Instead of asking for clarification, he handed it to Dunaway, who looked at it and said, "La La Land." Wrong. The real winner was Moonlight.
No one wants to see that ever again. So why not try some simple fixes?
First, set the scene: The only two people in the theater who know the names of the winners in the envelopes are the two PwC accountants, one on stage left, one on stage right, each with a briefcase containing a set of all the winning envelopes (plus some granola bars). Their job is to hand the correct envelope to the correct presenters, depending on whether they are entering the stage from the left or the right. The unused envelopes on each side of the stage are supposed to stay with the accountants.
PricewaterhouseCoopers on Oscar flub: 'We made a human error'
The Oscar whisperers
This one's sort of a no-brainer. Why can't the accountants on each side, who have already memorized every single name of the winners — we know this because they boast about it in pre-Oscars interviews — in each envelope, whisper it to the presenters before they go on stage. They could even do it in a secure room 10 minutes prior, just to make sure there is no foul-up at the mic. "The winner is Moonlight," whispered in Beatty's ear might have been helpful to him on Sunday night; it would have at least alerted him, finally, that there was something terribly wrong with his envelope. And never mind that this would spoil the surprise for the presenters. After all, they are actors.
Each briefcase has a different set of winners
Having two briefcases with the exact same set of winning envelopes risks exactly what happened Sunday night. Instead, put half the winning envelopes in one briefcase, the other half in the other briefcase. If the presenters for, say, best actor are coming on stage left, that envelope goes in the stage left briefcase. And the stage right briefcase contains only winning envelopes for the awards to be presented from stage right. Yes, this means rehearsing beforehand and it means presenters have to hit their marks but...well, that's what they do for a living. And anyway, that's what stage managers are for, too.
PWC rep was told not to tweet during Oscars
We have just one word for you: Digital
Surely this has been invented already? A digital podium. It flashes the name of the winner as a backup to the actual physical envelope and card. It could even be in extra-large type in case the presenters have forgotten their glasses. And it could flash on home TV screens, too.
Go more digital, baby!
You know this has been invented: A hand-held digital device that looks like an envelope — even blood-red with gold lettering — and acts like an envelope. You swipe it, it opens, the winner's name is there in blinking pixels.Some Oscar winners like to keep their winners' cards, even frame it to display with their statuette. But they could get those later backstage.
Return to yesteryear
Remember when the presenters would list the nominees and then would turn and ask, "May we have the envelope, please?" It was time-honored Oscar ritual; it was a meme — except we called it a catch-phrase —before anyone knew what meme meant. (Some people still don't.)
Having the accountant or an academy peon bring out the envelope — it could even be the aforementioned digital envelope — provides another check for ensuring the correct envelope goes to the correct presenters.
After all, someone always brings out the statuette to the winner; why not the envelope?
Accountants, get out of the wings
Under current procedure they wait in the wings and hand the envelope to the presenter. Put them onstage behind the presenters and off camera (yes, the stars in the audience will see them but they're used to the mechanics of showbiz), ready to spring to the mic if it looks like the presenters are in trouble. Beatty might have benefited from that Sunday, when it was clear even to the TV audience that something wasn't quite right even before Dunaway read the fatal words.
